Step onto the road...

Sometimes I feel so old and wornout. I have probably walked to deep into my own misery for the past weeks. Like I am burying myself deeper and deeper, and I can't get out of the shit. I can with hand on heart say that the past month has not been the best. I have felt more alone than I have in months. Not having money to do anything, always counting what I can and cannot buy, not speaking to my mother, not having anyone to talk to, not sleeping well at all, and it's been raining constantly, not much sun at all, cold and miserable. Though there has been a couple of showers worth remembering, like the other day when there was some sunshine and it poured down. That was beautiful...

But mostly everything has been grey. The weather, me and everything I do. Grey...

I think I am in my PMS period:) Everything seems horrible at that time of month. And it seems that it gets stronger when I am a little miserable before it. But hands up. It will pass, as it has before. "Keep the drama on the page," says a Julia Cameron in The Right to Write, and I thought I would try that. Only I am keeping it here. I can't let anything get me down now, even though it still does. *Sigh* It still does...

I will keep reminding myself about this: Life will get better. I will do that and write about it until it gets better. Until the way I write about my life gets different. Writing slugs is my testimony. Somehow it feels a lot easier than writing a journal right now. Nevermind that other people can write about my misery as well:) If they find these pages that is... *lol*

I can see that I do repeat a lot of the same things. But should I care about that? I don't know, it is the writing from my heart. Sometimes it is better than other times. For now what matters is that I write a little everyday, no matter how it feels or how good it is. One day I will look at everything I write, and I will see how it changes, and how much further along I have come...

All this is part of my pilgrimage...

I will make it even if it is against all odds. I have to start cheering for myself:) And I will...