The Dream......

What inspires me? Everything basically... That is the problem isn't it. I can't decide on what I want to write about. Nothing calls me specifically. I am just going round in circles. Trying to begin something, unable to see it through, see where it leads me. I can't seem to get it together. Now I know, I have to figure out how to get on with it. And I will. I have made progress. I am about to see the cleaning through. That isn't done half-hearted anymore. And I don't think I will start this writing half-hearted either. Like I've maybe done in the past.

I have perhaps not dared to write because I have been after to kill the dream. And by not writing I have kept the dream of becoming a writer alive. Paulo Coelho wrote that in the Zahir, and it so felt familiar. That's what I had been doing. I think I have been writing enough to kinda keep the urge satisfied, but I have not been serious about anything that I put in words. A couple of poems now and then, but for the most part rubbish that it didn't take a lot to throw away, some of it I didn't even bother to read to check if there was an idea there. It wouldn't be. And I don't give it a second thought. I know this time will be different, because now I don't just write to get my "fix". I write because I want it to mean something, to create something bigger something that is a part of something bigger. I am seriously going after my dream. And I dare to see if the dream will be crushed or if it will come alive. I am thinking that it will be. I have to believe it. The dream will come true.

There is no hidden mystery to writing. It is just doing it. The magic is in what you let get through. It is about letting yourself surprise yourself. It's about loving the characters you meet along the way. I have to let them get through, letting them find me, letting them speak. I know one thing. They have to be a little magical:) I can't write mundane stories. I have to let them be a little out of the ordinary. I don't know. All of a sudden all of this paragraph feels like talk, nothing else... I guess I really don't know what I want to say at all. I am totally in the dark with everything. Nothing seems understandable at all. I am totally lost. To tell the truth. I am lost:)

I guess getting unlost is part of the next stage this summer... But how to do that? I have to chew on that one a day or so... But I love that I get a chance to find out. It is really like finding a treasure. I am going on a treasurehunt. Pirate style. What was it that we said again about being pirates... I think it was from our meeting two weeks ago... Do you remember? I only remember that it was something about pirates... Something about being like Jack Sparrow...