Nicky... again, but funny this time

Clouds

Funny that these pictures are taken on the same spot. It just goes to show that nothing ever stays the same, but that doesn't mean that the changing isn't beautiful...:)

Dear Prudence

I haven't gotten this song out of my head. Hmmm, lovely lyrics)))


Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play

Dear Prudence open up your eyes
Dear Prudence see the sunny skies
The wind is low the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence won't you open up your eyes?

Look around round round
Look around round round
Look around round round

Dear Prudence let me see you smile
Dear Prudence like a little child
The clouds will be a daisy chain
So let me see you smile again
Dear Prudence won't you let me see you smile?

Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play

O poem

I travel through the night
I travel through my mind
I travel through a landscape
born within my soul
I am here
I am living
not ever just existing

I travel into the light
I travel into the dark
I travel with shadows around me
haunted by the past
I am nothing
I am everything
there is wholeness to be found

I travel through my memories
I travel through my loss
I travel through to the other side
where the dawn always comes
I am here
All is now
I never exist in the future
and drown if I live in the past

Restless as usual

I think I need to free my mind a bit more than it is now. To believe that the fantastical can be real... at least in a book if nothing else.

It is well and good to sit down and talk about what I would like, but it was things thing then... Not to just write about things... I can do that to the day that I die really...

I guess I should just try something really. Not think about where it should go, just try to get into the something. I feel like I am repeating myself over and over again, like I have been writing this before, that it is a vicious cycle that I am going through... How to get out of it. Try it again. And again and again if I have to.

I just feel restless again. It is like I am walking around outside a wall and want to go to the inside of this freaking stupid wall, and the more I circle around it the more frustrated and restless I guess. Like it is something that I can sense, but cannot reach. It gets like that some days... And today is one of them.

Our names with Chinese characters

Linda



Sheri

I have a plan how to get myself up to date with the questions... It got really difficult to look at one single thing... You know me. I get all things at the same time... I don't know when it will come but I will send it to you when it is ready))) A short one today. I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow I think I am going to go to my mum's and watch a couple of movies. Things we lost in the fire and maybe perhaps The bucket list... Crossing fingers for rain weathers I guess))) Still recovering for the cold than is sort of staying right out of the blooming stage:) Oh well, I guess I am taking really small babysteps in everything this week:) But I am not losing sight of the bigger steps... The big babysteps:)

Hope you are not to exhausted from this first week)))

I wrote this yesterday:

The flickering light from a candle
in a dark room
The sound of falling rain
merge with the sound of a piano
I am lifted into a world
where the simple things matter
I am compelled to find this simplicity
in a story of melancholy
a dream of light, of beauty
of art made with the soul
that sought to give answers to questions
only a heart could ask
What of life?
What of love?
Where does the mystery hide
in a world that so often forgets
that it is divine to dream,
that more often follows others
than to stop and listen to the music
of their own hearts...

Chopin Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2

Chopin and melancholy

I've just been watching Impromptu, the movie about the relationship between Frédéric Chopin and George Sand. I am left with the all familiar passionate feeling about artists of all kind. And I so wish that I could belong to those times. There were really a lot of wonderful things going on in the 19th century. In art, writing, and music. I might be a little romatic about it all, but there is something about it all.

Luckily I have a cd with some of Chopin's music. I tell you, it is melancholy at its sweetest. It reminds me that I want to write things inspired by these things. The english romantic poets, the pre-raphaelies, the music written in those times. I guess I am a bit of a romantic after all. I try to think what it is about those times that so inspire me... It would be a whole essay, if not a book. I think at least there is such a passion for life, like it was more fragile and so it was so much easier to find a passion for it and what comes with living. There is something so smug about modernity... Like we have become such masters that we have forgotten all the things about art that made it so divine... Like the arts now is about money and fame, and not the expressing of the heart... Somehow, I almost feel that art has become soulless, heartless...

Ah, listen to Chopin is like lying in a lake on a summer's day. Lazily, floating, looking up at the blue sky with soft clouds drifting slowly by. All is warm and fuzzy. Flowers... The countryside... It's absolutely wonderful))) It just creates these wonderful images, and yet they make me want to cry... Ah, the melancholy)) Remind me to send you some Chopin. I know you love melancholy just as much as I do. Now there you have another mood))) I could write a story just by listening to this kind of music I think............ If I mix it with Schubert, Liszt, maybe some Beethoven... Who knows what you'd get... Maybe even some Grieg. Some Debussy... Schumann, Satie... It would be fun to see what came out of it...

Funny I find that my fingers are writing like I was playing the piano, my body move to the music... Like you see piano players play... It is funny... Once you've sat down at a piano and played a piece those movement come by itself... Nothing you can do about it, they are just there, like the come natural from the piano itself... Like it puts a spell on you or something... It makes me long for a piano))) If I made a wish-list right now I would write: I wish I had a piano:) Well, I have been reminded again about this longing for making art))) And not just my fear of creating it... That is certainly a good thing! Also probably keeping my neighbours awake)) Ah, what a difference from pop and dance music eh))) Chopin)))

Hope everything is well with you)))

Mood

I am not going to be able to write much about this. But I've decided to do it here. Yesterday my mom was visiting and I was unable to do the question then, and today I am feeling sick. Hopefully it will pass as it always seem to do. My mom and I went for a hike. I even ran for like a lot longer than I thought I could without stopping. Maybe I am getting better:) I did do my exercise today as well.

I find mood rather difficult to write about because it is ever changing. But then it might be about the story... I find the mood both dark and light. All the ranges of human emotions so to speak. I find it difficult to do anything about that. Maybe if I were to write about mood I should have a specific mood to write about... Having a whole range of moods to feel, I tend to feel like everyone of them.

Today I have managed to feel despair, hope, scared, tired, confused, irritated... Well, I just kind of feel like it is impossible right now. I could probably do it, but being sick and not having too much discipline I chicken out. No day is alike, and since skipping yesterday, I have to do two today... I am on to the next now, maybe I will be able to do more there... Don't think so, but I will try, but I actually think that I should try perhaps to do it tomorrow... I will probably feel much better then and it is better than a half-hearted attempt on something that I will only just crumble under now.

I still feel great about doing these assignment))) And I will be doing them))) Promise:)

Place

I love this writing. Those small babysteps that are bringing me forward. I just did my assignment for the day, and I love it. Just not thinking about not knowing where to start, because I have a place to start. And for me to just sit down to do is a giant step for me too. And it fills me with hope. And that is definitely a good thing. Yeah, things are really changing. I can feel it in the way that I am starting to do things, and that they don't feel like such a burden anymore. A necessity, but still a burden. I guess making up stories is a passion of mine after all.

And I did my first day of exercise. My new regime. Health freaky me... not:) I bought a skipping rope, and I am off to a slow start. But we all have to start somewhere, right. I am at least doing it. Getting myself into shape, and taking back my energy again. Taking my life back too:) I feel good))

Let me know how you are doing after your first day back)))

The character thing

It was good starting thinking about something other than I don't know what to do, or where to start and such... I have made a start and that feels absolutely wonderful really. It is going in the right direction I guess. I am always very positive on the first day of everything I guess... But I am not pessimistic at all))) I am doing this. Like I am starting to get myself into shape tomorrow)) Lots and lots of beginning. I love beginnings like a new notebook, a new pen, a book that I have never read before)) Beginnings are nice))) Especially when you think that there will be no new beginnings at all...

I am beginning to get used to not thinking about having to clean, clean, clean))) Now I can do a little now and then which is great))) I have been going through my clothes today, washing and just having a good time with it instead of stressing out. I guess I am slowly transforming my life, and no one is happier about that than me:)

If you had to flee from your home, and you had to carry your belongings on your back, what would you take with you? Why?

I would take with me notebooks and pens. Because I would find that a comfort and I am addicted to have notebooks with me even when I don't have to flee))
I would take my mp3 and batteries. I would find life without music such a dread))) At least I would have the possibility to play a little music once in awhile.
The Lord of the Rings - to this day the most influential book)) Maybe A New Earth as well, to help me cope with whatever reason I had to flee.
I would probably also grab my camera and then charger, just because it would be natural for me.
And I would probably also grab some clothes, warm clothes, and extra shift of underwear and socks.
And I would grab my cat and stuff him into his carrier. And thus also take some food for him:)

I just found this sentence in The Artist Inside and thought it was kind of descriptive for our art (any art form):

When art is about transformation, it is a sacred practice.

It can also, I think, apply to what we are trying to do with our lives. I much rather like the word transform than change. I want to transform my life, and in doing so it is a sacred practice. It is rather nice, don't you think...:)

If you got a hundred dollars and you could not use it on yourself, what would you do with the money and why?

I would have bought some food, maybe some burgers from McDonald's, and given to the drug addicts that lives on the street so they would have some food)) Maybe cups of coffee if they wanted it, or something else. Why? Because it would be an act of kindness and because they are often overseen in our society. Also because a hundred dollars isn't a lot of money))) But it would give some nourishment that day for some hungry souls)))

Who are three people you admire, and what do you admire about them?

Oh my goodness, so many I admire... Who to pick and find out why I admire them...

1. Surprise! J.R.R. Tolkien. I admire him for the world he created, the depth and abundance and richness of his books. That he composed languages that we can actually speak and hold a conversation with.

2. The Dalai Lama. The way he is able to talk about serious things with a laughter in between, the way he sometimes can look like a child and the curiousness in his eyes and his calmness.

3. Nelson Mandela. How he survived all those years in captivity without even an ounch of hatred in him. For his wisdom and his will to change what can almost seem impossible to change. (The same courage that Hans Christian meet his captives with, without hatred and only the will to understand what drives other people to commit such unspeakable acts of violence...)

I could really go on and on:) But since it is three, I decided on those three because they were the first to come to mind)))

What are your greatest strengths and why?

1. One of my strengths is my emotional strength. I know I can stand through any storm. I love the sentence from a Dsound song: I am too soft to be broken.

2. My ability to dream. I believe that dreaming has saved my life on many an occassion. When everything has been darker than dark, I have managed to transport myself into another world where it hasn't been that dark and in that sense I have gotten through those moments.

3. My creativity. I can solve anything and think in new ways. And not to mention the ability to paint and write and being able to see art everywhere:)

4. I can laugh))) Especially about myself)) And I love to laugh! I think laughter is a good medicine))

5. My love of books, because they are a great way to feed my curiosity.

6. My reflection on life and myself, because there is always room for renewal. I can always see each situation from every side (even though I sometimes tend to worry a bit too much).

7. That I can find happiness in everything. I think it is a good lesson to understand, that happiness is not something that can be found, but a state of mind and it is there all the time and is most found in the smaller things in life.

8. My love of life, because it makes it wonderful to live, in both good and dark days)) It makes living interesting, and quite lovely. And it kind of makes me never lose hope...


I can't find anymore right now. Ah, I am watching the Phantom of the Opera on tv. Lovely since my dvd-player is broken))) Not the same watching it on the computer screen))) Oh, and I did a full work out today. And I am hiking on Saturday))) Can we say that we meet on Saturday like 8 or 9 pm? I will be here, just so that I don't get afraid that you come online 6pm to find me not here, and think that I have abandoned you))) You haven't been here earlier than 9 the last saturdays, but with you you never know;) Just wanted to say that))) In case I suddenly forget to say it, and since I won't be online tomorrow)) Going to my mom's. Hopefully getting book four of the Twilight-series too)))

If you were granted infinite wisdom, but only in one area of concentration, what would it be?

The first thing that came to me when I read the question, wasn't painting or writing, it was actually spirituality. Healing and psychic abilities, to be a medium. I would love to bring in the money through writing book, and do healing and readings for free. I believe that it should be something you give... Anyway, I guess spirituality (for the lack of maybe a more accurate word) is the one area I would like to have infinite wisdom:)


I have sort of figured out what has been bothering me for the last week. It's like when you have studied hard for an exam, all your time has gone into it then when the exam is over, it is hard to get back to normal. I think that's what I am experiencing now. Only with the cleaning. I have used so much time thinking either that I should be cleaning or I have been cleaning, and now all of a sudden there is no need for me to think about it other than maintaining it (which isn't hard at all)))... I am totally lost:) Hopefully I will get on the right track again very soon, or rather rearrange how I have been thinking. I have no idea how to do that, but I will get there. I always did after an exam....

What skill do I most treasure and why?

I treasure my creativity the most, because it is both a skill and a gift. It makes life much more interesting, because in my mind I can transform everything into a story or a painting or a poem or a photography or maybe even a dance. It is also very great in solving problems.

An example of a creative solution: When I worked with children, there were this boy with an enormous creative mind. He had a tendency to forget to eat because he was so into whatever he played (many times he had superpowers;). We were told to make sure he among others ate their meal and I stopped him in the hallway. "You must go and eat," I told him. He said no, he hadn't the time. Without thinking I told him as a matter of fact, "If you don't eat, you will lose your superpowers." He practically ran into the room where we served our meals:)

But most of all I treasure it, because it will certainly make my life into a great adventure))) I love my creativity!

If you could do anything tomorrow, what would it be and why?

I would jump on a plane and go to London to live there. Why? Because I want to pursue my dreams. I don't really think that living in London would make any difference than here, but I want to travel around the world, so London seems a good place to start. That is the bigger "do anything"... And the one I thought could win, because often enough I stop myself from thinking big. Because it seems so unrealistic, and I have a tendency to avoid anything unrealistic... I need to get out of my box and my comfort zone.