The higher good

I was just thinking about what happened yesterday, and how we always seem to clash. Then I was thinking about the abundance ballon and how it said for the higher good. Maybe it is for the higher good that we actually do have these clashes of ego. Maybe that is our lesson in all of this, not to give up and only focus on ourselves, but actually take a step back and learn to co-operate and collaberate. Maybe we haven't seen what we are capable of doing because we never gave it a chance at all.

It was just a thought. I guess the higher good isn't always what we think is the best, but after a while we will understand that it is. I don't think we should give it up this time, but take the "battles" as they come. That way we will develop and maybe even learn something about ourselves, and each other (and I wasn't thinking in a bad way). We end up here again and again, and we stop because we might be looking at it the wrong way. Maybe we are suppose to clash like that!! And maybe that is why we do it every single time and will continue to do so, because we are not facing the real problem. Maybe we could even use this into a screenplay too))) Because it is not uncommon to have these clashes where we think it is important to protect our own "interests" so to speak, instead of perhaps actually taking a step away from ourselves.

Of course, I cannot speak for you, but I think there is a reason for us coming back to this place time and time again. Since we've known each other, I think it is at least the fifth time or so. That must mean something. And this time it didn't take more than one hour. That I think is a sign that it is time to walk through it and have all the clashes we need to have and "fight" it out and try to learn what is really behind them. Honest being a key word...)) And we should be able to have them without every losing sight of the higher good. We should use it and turn it into something good that will help us move on and reach another level. There will always be conflicts in a creative relationship. Always... But there is nothing that cannot be used to reach the higher good.

I think this is a so-called golden opportunity. And we have learnt from the past never to overdo it anymore))) One small step at a time... We should do freewrites, maybe about a situation, a word or a trait... Just look at all the stuff we did find out about the word butterfly. We should try out different kinds of dialogue. Just being two people having a conversation that is not us. And see what comes from it. In that way we will build good foundations and we will become better and better at it... And we should clash again and again, because we will look at it perhaps as a creative process instead of a power struggle. Because we know we are both powerful enough to stand on our own feet)) Rambling now. I guess you know what I mean by now)))

Meaning of our names

Sheri:

sh inner beauty to express your inner beauty
e honesty in relationships to learn through relationships
r honest communication to communicate your truth
i selfawareness to understand yourself


Linda:

l strength of mind to be strong minded
i selfawareness to understand yourself
n centredness to flow with life and stay balanced
d generosity to be giving
a purity to remain pure


I found this on Diana Cooper's site. This is what it says about it:

Every sound is a vibration that has a meaning and calls in an energy. This is why a baby imparts telepathically to its parents, usually the mother, the name by which it wishes to be known. The name when spoken calls in the soul’s lessons to the child. Many children use a pet name or an abbreviated one because they are not ready to deal with all their challenges. It is very important to say a name lovingly. It is also helpful to repeat your own name lovingly to help you have an acceptance of your soul’s journey. I have often seen someone’s aura light up and expand when a group lovingly sings their name.

I offer the meaning of each sound to you to help you understand some of the lessons chosen by your Higher Self.


I chose the sh since it had a separate meaning but I will put the s and h here too. So you can see for yourself:

s trustworthiness to be trustworthy
h nurturing to shelter and nurture self and others

Spring

There’s something divine about those moments when I manage to be completely in the moment. It doesn’t matter what is happening in my life. It just fades into the background and stays there. Today I had that: I was going downtown to buy some medicine. I decided to walk and buy myself a coffee and just enjoy not wearing a jacket and feeling the warmth of the sun again. Just celebrating that the spring is here once again. It is like there is a smile in my heart.

Sometimes life is just good! And the heart sings…

The return of the warmth in the sun really does do wonders. I feel so much lighter in both body and mind. Everything feels easier. I guess spring becomes very important if you have real winter with darkness and snow and cold. It’s still that little chill in the air. It’s sort of like the chill in the shift from winter to spring, but soon that too will be gone and I can wear even less clothes than I did today… That is a day to look forward to!!)))) It is like I am a little less lost….

Butterfly

From Writing your Way by Ellen Jaffe


Some people use the butterfly’s life cycle as a metaphor for describing a given project or enterprise: are you the egg (new beginning), the caterpillar (exploring and getting started), in the cocoon (developing your idea into reality), or the emerging butterfly (completion, and sharing your idea with the world)? Of course, this is never a final stage, because the butterfly lays more eggs, creating a new beginning. It is interesting that in Greek mythology the butterfly is a symbol of the soul.


Since it was about butterflies, I thought I'd post it)) I especially like the part of it being a symbol of the soul.

The Road

Something sparks my sense of adventure. I have dreamt of taking the unknown road, and yet something is stopping me from doing just that. I see the beginning of the road like a shimmer before me, like the sun shining through the rain, making a rainbow and a golden shimmer on the raindrops. It is like stepping into a fairy tale where reality shifts and I can never tell what is real and what is not. The story of my life has a new beginning that is filled with promise.

Through the suffering and pain, I have found strength and the courage to move forward. I have been afraid of who I am, and have withdrawn from my life. But I have never given up hope of finding me in the darkness. I have spent enough time in the dark to know that it is not hurtful. It is the forgetful mind. The light is remembrance. And I seek to remember who I am.

The road lies before me, unknown and secretive. It leads me into the mysteries and into the enigma. All that I ever dreamt about is out there. Waiting… Living its own life apart from me. The stories perhaps. The ones that are waiting to be told. The road that leads me into the land beyond the mists. My own Avalon. I need to find the magic words that will part the mist and lead me into this magical land of the imagination and the beyond all reason.

Rumi

The garden of

Love

is green without

limit

and yields many

fruits

other than sorrow

and joy.

Love is beyond either

condition:

without spring,

without autumn,

it is always fresh.

ART AS FLIRTATION AND SURRENDER

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you,
but sometimes I do,
and that sight becomes this art.

HOW VERY CLOSE

how very close

is your soul with mine

I know for sure

everything you think

goes through my mind

I am with you

now and doomsday

not like a host

caring for you

at a feast alone

with you I am happy

all the times

the time I offer my life

or the time

you gift me your love

offering my life

is a profitable venture

each life I give

you pay in turn

a hundred lives again

in this house

there are a thousand

dead and still souls

making you stay

as this will be yours

a handful of earth

cries aloud

I used to be hair or

I used to be bones

and just the moment

when you are all confused

leaps forth a voice

hold me close

I'm love and

I'm always yours

Nothing... and it turned into something

I really have nothing to say tonight. It started as a good day with sunshine and a lovely walk downtown, but as you remember I had an appointment with the dentist. Unfortunately putting in that tooth was more painful that I had thought it would be. My gum is oversensitive so it hurts like hell right now. And two very strong painkillers later, I am really tired and are planning to go to bed since I have an early morning tomorrow. Hopefully the pain will go away and the tooth will only be sore when I thew.

This daily writing of a slug begins to be really interesting:)

Doesn't seem like I can find anything to write. Well, I write, but there's nothing coming out it seems. Maybe that is just the feeling I have... I don't think I would have written anything had we not made the deal of writing something every day. So in a way it is good that we made that commitment, because I am writing. No big lessons, but not every day can be a progress. Some days just have to be lived without much happening...

But one thing I have learnt from today is that my experience can actually help another human being realize that they are not alone in the world with feeling the darkness. Because I've been there myself and I've come out (at least I am about to) on the other side and things are quite different and I have survived. I know if I can survive this and be the better for it, I can get through anything. It's like in The Dark Side... where everything has its counterpart... I know I can be a victim at times, but that will only make me work harder not to be one. Even if I feel the need to ask "Why me?", I will always counter that question with "Why not!" And that will make it a lesson of life in the sense that I will find a way to turn it around and make it work for me.

I guess I did have something to write about after all. It's funny but I often find that it helps when I sit down and write to begin with the words: "I have nothing to say". Because I always find out that it isn't true, and I strife to prove myself wrong. Once again I did just that)))

Laughter

I find it rather difficult to write anything this past week, like inspiration has gone somewhere and I can’t find it. It feels like it started after Wednesday clean out. Maybe it is because it is sort of half finished or that I am such a sucker for some kind of routine, even if it is a chaotic routine. In a way it feels like I am stuck in midair, about to take a leap, but not quite sure where it will take me and regretting jumping off.

Maybe I have been too serious, not having the money to lead my “regular” life with the daily ice coffees and not having to count how many cigarettes I smoke each day. It’s of course healthy enough to smoke 5 less a day, but I want to smoke less because I want to, not because I have to. I have eaten well enough though… No worries, I am not hungry.

Maybe we need to play more, and not be so serious. It is good to be deep and take things seriously, but without some fun and laughter in life, it can become rather depressing. I know that one of the reasons I have not gone completely under, is my ability to laugh. I love a good laugh. When you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts and it feels like you are going to cry. I guess one of my important lessons is not to take life so seriously.

Maybe laughter came up today to remind me to never forget to laugh. I think every human being should laugh good at least once a day:)

Restless and craving

I’ve only had a handful of thoughts today. I feel kinda restless in a strange way. It’s the restlessness of not having any money at all, and wanting everything I can’t buy at all. I managed to buy some cheap micro popcorn yesterday, thank goodness. Every thought seems to circle around what I cannot have… I am thinking that it is kind of like a cold turkey thing… From sugar. In a way, I am thinking that it is the ice coffee. It must be so much sugar in it that it might be the sugar rush I am craving;) I’ve eaten more chocolate the past two days than I have in three weeks, but it’s the only sweets I’ve got… I wish I could just go into the shower and wash it off me… But I guess it is always like that: what you cannot have, you always end up wanting.

Nothing big happening as you might understand. No deep understanding of life. But I know that I will make it this month too. And that is a relief in a way. Now all I have to do is get through tomorrow, and I will be fine. Maybe it will be better tomorrow. One nice thing is that I saw a program on the telly that had an interview with Gerald Butler in it. About 300. I actually think I will go and see that one. It’s been way to long since I went to see a movie and I think I need to give myself a little gift… Hoping for some deep insights tomorrow;)

Becoming more of myself

I am watching Oprah at the moment, and she said something that I thought was very much important in the sense that we have talked so much about changing ourselves and all that... She said that she had met a reporter that had interviewed her ten years ago or so. The reporter had said, "You haven't really changed, you have just become more of yourself."

I think that is a really beautiful thought. It isn’t about changing who you are, but becoming more of who you are. Of course we have to change the patterns that stop ourselves from becoming more of ourselves. It is also worth remembering that many women find themselves doing what we are doing in their 40s and 50s.

No, I just feel that line ringing some truth in me. BECOMING MORE OF MYSELF. That is what I am doing now. I am becoming myself. That is what matters. Not becoming more of what people want me to be, but becoming someone I will like and love. This also means becoming the painter and the writer that I am, but I will become more of those two. They will become a deeper part of me.

I love those moments of clarity. And this was one of them. I am not really after changing myself, only the ways I express myself in my life and in the world. I am going to work on becoming more of myself.

Books and people

And the person you will be five years from now will come down to two primary influences: the people you associate with and the books you read.

-From Who will cry when you die?, Robin Sharma

Kali

Kali represents Endings and Beginnings

“The old must be released so that the new can enter.”

Message from Kali
“I sing praises to those whose hearts accept the universal order, which only appears to be chaotic and every-changing. In actuality, everything is designed down to the smallest detail, to be in perfect operation. The dance of the universe is a happy one, with energy swirling and twirling in a never-ending celebration of life itself. Join this dance, dear one, and enjoy the remarkable journey of the weavings of the story of your life. Do not fear what appears to be a change or a loss. It’s only the transitioning orbit of energy interplaying with you and your loved ones. Embrace it as evidence that you’re alive! Embrace your deepest emotions as a signal of your true human essence!”

Various meanings
Your current changes are for the best
Keep your thoughts positive, as they’re very powerful
What appears to be a loss is really the beginning of a happy new phase
Let the past go
It’s time to move on

About Kali

This ultra-powerful Hindu goddess is feared by those who don’t understand the natural cycles of birth, death, and rebirth. Kali is the embodiment of Mother Nature, who cleanses away the old with natural storms and fires to make the ground fertile for new crops and life. Kali is the ultimate get-things-done goddess, and she’s a powerful ally to those who call upon her. Like a wise stage mother, she’ll push you beyond your comfort zone to reach the heights of your potential.

****

I love this image. I think Kali is my transformation card. There's just something about this card that triggers something inside of me. I love the intensity in Kali's eyes, the third eye being yellow, the lotus in the palm of her hand, the eclipse and the galaxy.


It also reminds me of La Loba, the Bone Woman. How she sings over the bones to awaken what has been dead. I guess in many ways transformation is about that, gathering the bones and awaken it to life again, breathe life into that parts that has been slumbering, turning it around. It also fits with the symbol of the Wasteland, of breathing life into it again. Both Kali and Butterfly Maiden is about fertility and the earth. A couple of weeks ago I walked outside. It was like there was an anticipation in the air, like nature was preparing itself for the transformation it was about to undertake. The transformation from slumber of winter into the awakening of spring. It was a good feeling. And in many ways I can feel that same anticipation inside of me.


Three words: Transformation, change, revolution...

Butterfly Maiden

Butterfly Maiden represents transformation

“You are experiencing enormous change right now, which brings great blessings.”

Message from Butterfly Maiden
“As you go through this period of change, it’s natural for you to wonder if your future is safe. I’m here to assure you that you’re part of nature’s cycles of birth, death and rebirth. To bring in your desired newness, you must first allow old parts of your life to fall away. These changes are to be celebrated, not feared. Give thanks for this shedding of the old! Embrace all of the lessons brought, and then let it go! Be giddy with excitement at the newness of the gifts that are now being bestowed upon you, and let their magic surprise and delight you.”

Various Meanings
Don’t be concerned about endings, as they’re bringing in the new for you
Your prayers have been answered with this change
Let go of the old
Don’t worry about these changes – they’re truly for the best

About Butterfly Maiden Butterfly
Maiden is a Hopi Native American kachina (spirit) who ensures that crops yield healthy and bountiful harvests. She’s a springtime goddess who helps us escape from any cocoon situation that’s trapping us or impeding our growth or joy. If you’re feeling stuck, she’s a wonderful goddess to call upon during the emerging process. She’ll also guide you through life transitions and help you spread your wings!


I just remembered that one of the Goddess cards had the word transformation on it. Funny that it should be a Native American Goddess))) Have you seen many butterflies lately?:)

Of the Grail and being a Seeker

I don't know why I all of a sudden thought about the Grail...

It's got nothing to do with the holy blood and that kind of thing in the Da Vinci Code. I was thinking more in the line of the Arthurian legends. About the knights that went in search of it. About being the Seeker...

I am the Seeker in the Wasteland.

I tread on the Rainbow Road of dreams.

This is my quest

to find the grail, the light of my life,

and bring it back into this world.

May my steps be guided

May my dreams be watched over

May my life be blessed with love

It also brings on the thought about the Ringbearer in Tolkien's world. Not Frodo in particular. Just being the bearer of something of great power. Maybe it should be the Grail bearer.

I view the grail as something of pure power. Then the Grail becomes a message, a vision that can guide our steps. The legends tells us that only the purest of hearts can ever find it. What does that mean, being pure of heart? Frodo was pure at heart. And in the end, evil overcome him too.

I guess what I am saying with this, is that I want to find the Grail. I want to be a Ringbearer. I want to take on the responsibility of being true to myself and bring life back to the Wasteland and thereby lead as an example. That's what I want to do. Be an example for others to do with what they want to. I have to figure out how to bring the light down into the darkness. How to bring the spirit into the physical world.

Wow!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcsGOBm9oaA


It is one of the most amazing relay finishings I have ever seen... Helt rått!!!!!!!!! I just have to say one thing: This man has the potential to become one of the greatest across country skiers ever!!!! Mark my words!!

But not to forget the other guys either))) They laid the foundation for Petter's amazing finish)))