How do you create a world?

The sun will rise on a whole new world. It has been in the dark for so long, dead... A wasteland, only alive in what could be...

The creative flame is burning in a temple deep inside of this world. It is the only place where there is some light, just a tiny little ray of light.

This is the only sign of life. The rest is dead. It is a wasteland. Total wasteland. Darkness reigns.

Dark things hide in the shadows. There are discoveries waiting to be made here. Everything is up to me. I am the seeker. I am the creator. And it is up to me if it will remain a wasteland or if it will turn into a vibrant land, if it will come alive...

I've tried to start this journey so many times. Every time it just falls apart. It seems that I can't access it no matter how hard I try. It is withering away, and that makes me sad. Maybe being a writer is a lonely business, because no matter how you put it, you are alone. Alone with your thoughts and ideas, alone with your imagination. I am going on this journey alone, and it is hard to understand what that feels like. Maybe I haven't come to terms with that just yet. And I am struggling, really struggling with it. Writing is difficult in this time we live in because people are looking at what you have done. And calling yourself a writer means that you have to have something to show for it, and that means having something published. I am beginning to go crazy with this. There is still this invisible wall I hit every time I try to sit down to write.

If the universe is good, then this is just a testing time of some sort. Maybe to see if I want it bad enough. But the question is the same: How do you create a world?

Sometimes I think the world would suffer no loss if I never wrote a single word. But then again, maybe it would. I guess I will know what to write when the day comes... Maybe the waiting and the not knowing is there for a reason still not known to me. That I am just "practicing" my writing skill, making it better, and when the real story emerges I will have practice with my writing. Maybe I am just gathering knowledge, about writing, about story-building, about other stuff that I might use. Then suddenly one day, I will know what to write, and the words will just flow out. Writing this, reminds me of that scene in the mini-series about Ibsen as a young man, in the time before he started on the journey of becoming one of the greatest writer for the theatre. After struggling with different stuff in his life, we see him in a dark room, and the words of what is his first play, Catilina, comes to him. The look on his face at that moment, that's the look I want on my face one day when my first story comes to my mind... Nothing less. Yes, I do think I believe I will write books, but sometimes you have to go around a little bit, find the knowledge that you see and build a strong foundation for your creative work. I think I am building a foundation right now. I cannot believe anything else. Going through my fears and getting my life sorted out. We all have different ways to cope. I know I am not short on words, I just don't know how to build them into a story. Poems yes, novels no... Not yet...