I find it hard to keep focus. It is like my mind is flying everywhere and nowhere at all. A little frustrating to say the least.
I am trying to learn how to be more focused, I guess. That is my greatest work the next year. So at the point of next year the week before my birthday, I will see the results or if I have moved from where I am today. I want to grow, I really do, but sometimes I find it really difficult to find the way to make this growth happen. You know, you get really used to the ways in which you live your life, and those ways, no matter how useless, grows into your system in a toxic way. And it is so hard to get out of it. I guess that is what I am feeling today. The remains of the old ways that brought me down... I'll be feeling better tomorrow I am sure:)
I guess it is the creativity that is jumping inside of me. I want to create something. Write something, but it is always slipping away from me. And sitting down to write I would only write anything that I haven't already written. I guess writing a slug is kind of like a substitute for it. Just to get some words down, to make something of today. Even how unimportant it may seem. I have to get better at writing. A foot in the old, and a toe in the new, remember:)) Maybe soon I will have two toes:)
Something quite different... It's a strange feeling when you look at your painting and start filling in the white with colours and the whole picture somehow comes alive before your eyes... And you can see that it is leading somewhere and you see where you can put in the different colours for it to become something... I just got that feeling right now... It is a wonderful feeling.
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3 comments:
I think you have every right to be proud of how far you've come already. Having one toe in the new is a huge step. You'll find out whether a push, a nudge, or a conscious step on your part is what takes you completely to the other side.
What I love about the white parts is that you can see so much in them. There's endless possibilities and sometimes I feel like when I fill them up, those possibilities are narrowed. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm not. What's neat is that it keeps changing. In my opinion, it's not better with color. It's just different. It takes on a whole new feel. Alot of times it's what we want out of it. . . Intention, I guess.
Then there is the problem of meeting the present with what we intend. For today, I just feel like letting go. . . not intending anything, but appreciating what comes.
Lots of blah blah blah but you know what I mean, I think. . .
Take care and I'll talk to you later. . .
I am proud of where I am today. I really am. I guess I am a little unpatient;) And I am trying to figure out how to get into the "new" life. How to become more of myself... And figure out why I sabotage myself. Why I am scared of myself... What the hell I am afraid of... It seems like I am doing a whole lot of thinking, and not much doing. I think you would agree)))
How to make the thinking into action... That is the question. To do or not to do:)
Completely agree. ;)
I feel like I'm covered in waist-deep mud. Maybe even quicksand. And I can't decide on what stick to pull myself out with. I keep looking at each stick and trying to decide which one is better. lol.
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