I am ready

Today I will start my summer's body of work. I will make my way through disbelief and doubt, and come victorous on the other side. It is all about the search. I think sometimes I get too distracted with the goal of doing art and writing, that sometimes the process and the road is lost and then I get all confused and frustrated and then I often enough give up. I am beyond giving up now. I don't want to worry about what has not happened yet, and get my focus right. Take the chance of letting myself fall into the depth of the imagination and creativity.

I want to play around with words. Find the big words and the small ones in between. I want to explore the sacred realms of my world, hunt for some meaning of everything that has happened. I want to give colours to a white canvas, shape them into the images of my heart. I want to let my heart take flight and free myself of my fear. I want to become more of myself. I want to feel inspiration fill me up within, and may it be so clear and strong that I can no longer ignore it. May I get a little closer in finding my purpose. May I find my secret longings and find the true heart that is required by the Seeker of the Grail. May I wander into the lands in the mist and venture from there with treasure beyond measure of gold and money.

The colours are blue and green.
The words are sacred femininity.
The Warrior and the Priestess melting together.
The Earth and the Heavens.
The balance between mind and spirit.
We are one, the warrior and the priestess...

I am feeling a warmth in my heart and stomach. Like if I only let go a little everything will shift and the thick fog will become a little lighter and I will see more clearly. My third eye will spring open like a lotus flower. The light will become more brightly and I will know. The angels are here. I found a white feather in my bed today. A sign that my guardian angel is here supporting me. And that where I am going today is on the right path. Now I am ready to step out on the path, I am ready to become the ring-bearer. I am ready.

Where do I go from here?

I find it hard to keep focus. It is like my mind is flying everywhere and nowhere at all. A little frustrating to say the least.

I am trying to learn how to be more focused, I guess. That is my greatest work the next year. So at the point of next year the week before my birthday, I will see the results or if I have moved from where I am today. I want to grow, I really do, but sometimes I find it really difficult to find the way to make this growth happen. You know, you get really used to the ways in which you live your life, and those ways, no matter how useless, grows into your system in a toxic way. And it is so hard to get out of it. I guess that is what I am feeling today. The remains of the old ways that brought me down... I'll be feeling better tomorrow I am sure:)

I guess it is the creativity that is jumping inside of me. I want to create something. Write something, but it is always slipping away from me. And sitting down to write I would only write anything that I haven't already written. I guess writing a slug is kind of like a substitute for it. Just to get some words down, to make something of today. Even how unimportant it may seem. I have to get better at writing. A foot in the old, and a toe in the new, remember:)) Maybe soon I will have two toes:)

Something quite different... It's a strange feeling when you look at your painting and start filling in the white with colours and the whole picture somehow comes alive before your eyes... And you can see that it is leading somewhere and you see where you can put in the different colours for it to become something... I just got that feeling right now... It is a wonderful feeling.

Forever and a day

It's been like forever........
I have barely written any blog anywhere... A couple on MySpace perhaps))) But that's about it...

Not going to write too much today either... Way too late and I am getting sleepy...

I thought I'd share one of my paintings with you... I had that image in my head after a seminar, and I went outside walking after dinner because I wanted to see an old church not far from the hotel we were staying... I turned and saw this and could not get it out of my mind... So it was worth the whole boring seminar... The moon lighting up the trees from behind))