Where do I go from here?

I find it hard to keep focus. It is like my mind is flying everywhere and nowhere at all. A little frustrating to say the least.

I am trying to learn how to be more focused, I guess. That is my greatest work the next year. So at the point of next year the week before my birthday, I will see the results or if I have moved from where I am today. I want to grow, I really do, but sometimes I find it really difficult to find the way to make this growth happen. You know, you get really used to the ways in which you live your life, and those ways, no matter how useless, grows into your system in a toxic way. And it is so hard to get out of it. I guess that is what I am feeling today. The remains of the old ways that brought me down... I'll be feeling better tomorrow I am sure:)

I guess it is the creativity that is jumping inside of me. I want to create something. Write something, but it is always slipping away from me. And sitting down to write I would only write anything that I haven't already written. I guess writing a slug is kind of like a substitute for it. Just to get some words down, to make something of today. Even how unimportant it may seem. I have to get better at writing. A foot in the old, and a toe in the new, remember:)) Maybe soon I will have two toes:)

Something quite different... It's a strange feeling when you look at your painting and start filling in the white with colours and the whole picture somehow comes alive before your eyes... And you can see that it is leading somewhere and you see where you can put in the different colours for it to become something... I just got that feeling right now... It is a wonderful feeling.