I am in the nothing-to-say-mood. Or maybe I don't know where to start)) I haven't written much in the past weeks, only on the train on my way to the computer course. I don't think it's because I have been uninspired, but that I don't want to write a few lines on something and then start another and end up with getting nothing done... Writing without purpose in a way. I have done that a lot and it never worked, never got my writing anywhere. I love the poems I have written of course. They have meaning. I am throwing away lots and lots of pages that never got anywhere. I have done it. And it didn't work. I need to change the way I work with my writing, my creativity and my imagination.
I like writing slugs though. It gives me the chance to write with some kind of purpose. And there is something nice about knowing that you will read it. And it gives me a chance to shake something of that overthinking that can come in the way of the free flow of words. I know I possess it somewhere deep inside. I guess it has to do with that dream thing. Not writing will keep the dream that I have what it takes still. I am keeping the dream alive instead of making the dream come reality.... So here I sit thinking about a future with writing instead of making that future come true today.
My wall is still rather empty. No new pictures, but I haven't taken anything down either. So "I am a writer" is still up there... Still too small though. I don't know what else to put up there. I should probably sit down and think about how I want my life to be or try to get a clearer idea about it anyway. Something. I guess I sometimes feel a little purposeless... I have to give my life purpose. The only thing I have to do is to figure out what it is. Maybe not for the rest of my life but at least for some years.
We do this a lot. Talk about what we should do, but we never seems to get around to doing something about it. At least I feel that is what I have been doing. The strange thing is that when you start to get a clear view, things start happening faster than we can imagine. That is sometimes just as scary. If we want things to change, it will change. But we need to know how we want it to change. In details. I guess maybe that change is in the details. And if we know that the universe will work with us to make it come true. That is both the positive and the negative. It's like when we say we are stuck. Then we will continue to be stuck because that is what we ask for in a way. There is so many things to consider really... *sigh*))) But in it all, it is quite fun to figure things out. Quite exciting really:)
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I think when we sit down to write - or whatever it is we do - we're going to have to spend a few seconds to see that dream that we have and make it come into our lives at that moment. Not sure if that makes sense, but all I mean is that we need to be the writer (or artist or whatever) that we see in the future. So when we sit down to write, we aren't always going to be writing for the sake of working up to being a writer, but we'll be writing because we are writers.
The dream I see still involves a struggle. But the difference is how I handle it. I don't panic. I'm aware of it. I listen to it. I'm rational and passionate about it. And I still write through the struggle. . . because I am writing honestly from me. . .
If any of that makes sense.
Purpose. . . We definitely need to talk about this today, I think. Incorporate it into our plans.
We need to be the purpose.
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