You can never really foresee what is going to happen in life. There are so many fickle turns it can take, and it all depends upon the choices you make, but it will be good even though it feel bad at the time you might feel some sort of regret. And if it is a bad choice maybe it is because at the time you were making it, you didn't follow your gut feeling. There is no encoding of life; no book to make you any wiser or anything. It is something you make up as you go and mistakes are made, but they are made so you don't have to do them again.
Even though my life has felt dreadful at times, I try never to lose hope. Like we are writing our stories now. It is so great. I have for example admitted to myself that I have never had any plan or vision for my life. I had dreams and stuff, but they have all kind of faded in the day dreaming and in running away from the fact that I don't really know how I am going to achieve my goal (those that I have never set for myself). Now that is going to change. Out of habit, I want to to write, I am going to try... Never learn... I have to trick my petty little mind to let my heart get a say in my life from now on:)
I am going to write. God knows I have enough material to last me for at least two years:) It is going to be fun to transform (was going to write try there again...) my experiences and thoughts and all that onto paper... No category, or telling what it is going to be, no nothing. I think I can find lots of cool stories there))) I know Cath can give me inspiration to lots of stories:) And other people that we talk about too... Lots if I just dare to see it, but of course being a little self-centered this summer:) I want to write about me:) Sort of take a reckoning of my life to move it forward. Of course these are just ramblings which we are getting used to by now:)
One things for sure! I want to brighten up my mood. Not get so very down below zero if you know what I mean. I want to laugh and have fun. I am so tired of everything being so seriously serious... I have all the resources that I need right here... I cannot spend all of my time worrying. I should probably have a worrying notebook, and a notebook for being grateful. Just to actually get a reasonable perspective about my life... So that I can lay tracks:) Virginal territory so to speak:)
I found this one amongst my papers... Could be a good beginning on something...
Into a circle of fire
In their eyes there are flames dancing
They are calling to me, calling me to them
Winter is fading
Summer won’t soften my eyes
A child of ice and fire, of water and air
Pure be the heart that looks behind the veil
A child of the living and breathing earth
A wind passes through me
The shadows grow long
The veil between the worlds are lifted
There stands an empty throne
Every part of me spring into life
My defences are crumbling
My fate is hidden from me
We are worlds apart
I leave this world behind and enter into another
Lady of night, come wrap your wings around me
I am alone, wandering in the dark
I see the flame in their eyes in the darkness
1 comment:
We're really going through a hard period right now, but one that is riddled with hope. Because we're being more truthful with ourselves, facing who we are and trying not to ignore what we are really experiencing.
Something I thought of while reading your poem tonight is that you should experience writing about yourself in the third person. While saying everything with "I" makes it very personal, looking at yourself from another perspective might be interesting. It's almost like you could see the big picture as well as the small. (Not that I can tell which is ;) )
I think we should just go into it.
Jump! ;) You have to do what you need to do, so do it and hold strong!!!
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