There is a strange feeling inside of me tonight. Thinking about making choices. Thinking about what I could do as an alternative to what I am doing right now. One step at a time. I think it is draining me not to have a clear path to walk. I don't mean that I want to know everything that is going to happen, but to have a small goal. What would I like to do for the next couple of weeks for example. Tomorrow I have written my Morning Pages for three months. It is strange, but they have become a part of me. I haven't questioned not doing them for weeks now, that I will stop doing them. It is strange how something can become a part of you. Some days I enjoy doing them, other times I don't but I am doing them. I go to bed at a reasonably time now and I am eating breakfast. I am proud of that.

So now I need to do something with a creative goal, but when I try to think about it, everything escapes me. I have done a little research into my own past, see if I can find some memories. I figured that my story is the most important now. I guess I will just push myself a little further every day. And see what happens. Baby steps, righ... Just have to believe that nothing that I think or do is useless. It is all for the sake of something. It's just that figuring what that is can be really tough, but I am getting there. I guess I have to start somewhere... But I am feeling a little hopeful))

Ah, and today I felt a little warmth in the sun again!! That gives a good feeling to a wintercold human being)) I am so looking forward to spring...