I wonder what I am in denial about... I can't seem to just sit down and write. I just can't not even here. When I don't hear from you at all, I seem to think that there is no point in writing here either. But I did however have a writing date on Friday afternoon at my café. I tried to sit down and write in a third person. Since that worked wonderfully last time I tried it, but it didn't feel too good. But at the same time, I don't feel like being so negative about it either. I think I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. And try to build up some sort of routine or something. Today I went for a long walk, and somehow it made me really tired. And just after coming home, my mom called. I haven't spoken to her since January, and she never once asked about me, how I was. Only about that case with her appartment that is going up for some kind of settlement thingy. I just sat there thinking that here we go, all over again. Pretending that everything is as it was before. Well, it's not. It just isn't. She means that I am just going to drop everything because I have a computer. It just made me even more tired and a little disappointed too...
I've started on that earth-colour painting for the third time today. Maybe third times the charm... I haven't done much painting the last weeks. Trying to figure out what it is that I want to say and express I think. It goes for both my writing and painting, because somehow I know I want them to compliment each other, but I haven't gotten the faintest clue how... But I am getting there.
So not much changing really, but yet I am getting there a little day by day. Some days are okay others not. But hey! that's life...:)
1 comment:
Something you could try if you felt like is clustering. . .
Ask yourself one question and don't think, just write the first thing that comes into your mind when you answer that question. It can be one word or a sentence or whatever, just write it down. Then, still don't "try" to focus. . . just do it. . . Then, start freely associating with that response.
For example, right now I might ask. . . . Why the fuck is my life so unfulfilling? My automatic response is. . . that I don't get out much, that I don't push myself to do things. Then I write things around that. Clusters. . . it can be questions or statements, things that make me think of it. . . symbols, whatever.
Then maybe I decide to write something FROM that. I think I would write about a blah day and what it's like. I would use images, I would use all that I've associated with it. Maybe I would talk about the walls, how they are white, a clean slate that can't be dirtied, but can be wholed. I'd talk about how my house has begun to control me, how it drains me of everything, that it's not my choice to be unfulfilled. . .
:) Just an idea.
Just keep sitting down to write. Push yourself more and more, stretch what you're comfortable with, challenge yourself.
we both need a little of that.
And go tell your mom to fuck off until she can really give a damn.
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