I'm trying to sit down and write, but all I get is emptiness. Nothing comes to mind at all. I guess I need to complain a little bit. Get over the fright so to speak. I wonder how someone who wants to write so bad, gets nothing at all. It's like hitting into a wall, wanting to get to the other side of the wall, but not getting anywhere or anything (except a bump on the head).

I did write my usual journal kind of thing, and I did notice that I was very nasty to myself. I mean not calling myself names, but being on the negative side of myself, not really being there for me. I actually said that it was impossible. Of course I did correct myself, but still... There is a pattern there that I need to break. If not I am not getting anywhere with my life, especially not to the places I want to be. It will always be something that I am chasing after instead of actually believing that it is already here. The power of attraction... If I live with everything being impossible and that everything is going to stay the same, it will.

I don't really believe that I will ever be able to get anything at all onto the paper, anything that will take the form of a novel. That I think is what I think when I sit down to write, I have already given up in a way. It is not good at all. But writing it here, it gives a name to the problem. One name at least, and it sorts of break the spell I guess, because I know the monster now when I see it. And I can't do anything else than to work through it every day. It is what I am going to do first. Work through this, and just see what happens. I guess today have been rather productive even though I don't have anything else than this entry. At least I have looked at a problem and made it into a challenge for myself. And that ain't a bad start at all...