I took the twenty minutes walk today. There are not any natural spots to walk in around where I live, but it is so lovely in my neighbourhood. Old small houses that has been here for many years. I think some of them are from around late 19th century, early 20th. Wooden houses, some of them bearing signs of the holiday coming. Then Christmas seems different, when you seem the signs in the windows of others, lights hung up on trees in their small gardens, or a star in a window. I walked past the church that lies nearby. It is on a hill and is not lighted by any spot lights. The church spire is almost invisible against the dark sky, and seems almost like a threatening shadow, like a giant. Along side the path that goes past the church there are old trees, their trunk moist from the rain we've been having. I almost didn't think I would say this, but I wish it would snow a little now. It would create such a magical feeling to the scenery.

Right now as I am writing this, Nicky is sitting on the chair I have beside my computer (for books and such), looking at me. Well, staring actually. Now he is looking somewhere else, probably philosophing about something that cats think about. I wonder what he is thinking when he stares at me the way he does sometimes))) Right now I think he's asking me for food:) His bowl is empty)))

And now for the synchronicity of week... I was delivering some books back to the library friday and I was handed a flyer by a woman with free meditation. Raja Yoga Meditation it's called. It's based on the principle that something that is useful for everyone should be free. It's a world wide organization (read about it at www.bkwsu.org). It's kind of what I have said all along, I want to learn how to meditate but that I am not capable of doing it alone... And I just know that it is not by accident that I found it now. But the problem is that it is today, and it has already had one class last monday. And since today would be a problem, I called and the same woman offered to give me the intro on sunday so I could begin next monday! I cannot say no to this at all. It is lovely really, and if it is a gift from the universe then I have nothing to lose in trying. I think it is another step in actually getting better and in my recovery. To learn to gather my thoughts and get past this problem I have of not being able to bring my thoughts into the world, into reality in a way. Manifesting my dreams, so to speak. I feel so scared of it though, which is another reason for doing it.

This is what it says about what it is on the website: "Raja Yoga Meditation is a method of relaxing, refreshing and clearing the mind and heart. It helps you look inside to rediscover and reconnect with your original, spiritual essence. Meditation enables an integration of your spiritual identity with the social and physical realities around you, restoring a functional and healthy balance between your inner and outer worlds." Sounds useful:)

I am thinking about what Julia Cameron said about being ready for these synchronicities. If I say no to this I will lose something that might be very important to me. What it is I don't know. It might be meeting someone who can help me take a new step towards becoming an artist. It might be just on a personal level of getting more calm or getting more concentrated (Nicky staring again..:))...

I am going to try to be more observant while in Copenhagen this time. So I can write more than, it was fine:) The problem is of course that I am not traveling alone. And that I have to be more attentive to my mom than to my wish to write. I am rather excited to see if I manage to do the morning pages, and how she will react to me doing them. Will I be able to get up and write two pages or not? Will it make any difference? It is something I am looking forward to finding out. I think I will have to do them and explain to her that I will put all the shit I feel behind in those two pages. I think it does make me more in harmony with myself...

Oh, I have taken out the biggest canvas I have ever attempted. I have had it around for years actually!! Just been waiting and yesterday I took it out of the plastic and I have been looking at it all day, wondering what the heck I will paint... I have no idea, but I am starting with ultra marine... It will be revealed in time I think... Or hope right now:) And I am getting more canvases in a day or two))) No small canvases this time, only larger ones))) So looking forward to it. Starting new paintings. And finishing some old ones. Just having fun with colours and shapes, and mixing them together. I think I have a little Michelangelo-ic way of approaching a canvas. The motif is already on the canvas and I just have to find it:) I don't like to plan ahead, do sketches and things like that. If I need to do it, of course, then I do it, but I find that when I let it find me, I enjoy it more. And now I am doing the biggest canvas ever!! Scary, but a good sign too:) I am recovery aren't I, slowly but steadily...

It is done!! The first stroke has been put on the white empty canvas. I am going to make the whole white space, blue, using a lot of therpentine first. It can dry when I am away and then I will see what needs to be done next:)

I hope I made up a little for yesterday:) And still the day is young. At least for me:) Ah my sleeping patterns)) If I have more to say I will post it:) Take care