Moving on...

There is never an easy path, but there is much to be grateful for. Those who think negative thoughts, will draw negative experiences again and again. The key is to see that everything has a gift, no matter how bad things are. It is a challenge.

It is difficult to see the positive in the seemingly negative. I am just at the beginning of a change of life. I can feel it, and a part of me is still holding on to the old even though it is useless. I have to let it go. As so many other things in my life. And I have decided from today that I am going to think about the things that I am grateful for. I have to do this if I am ever going to move on...

The way we are right now,
is getting us nowhere
The way we write right now,
is getting us no place
To be real
is to be more


Ibsen wrote much about the concept of a life lie, and what happened when you took that away from a human being. He pondered about what would happen if that was taken away...

Maybe one of mine is that I am okay. I am not. And maybe when I admit that to myself, I can begin to rebuilt those fragments and put them back together... I am not doing fine. Far from it...

I am afraid of who I am... I scare myself shitless.

Why am I afraid?

Clarity is the ability to see the soul in action in the physical world (Gary Zukav). I guess that is what I am afraid of… That I will never be able to use what I have learnt, what I know I know. That I have all these great theories, and that I will never be able to put them into use. That I will stay paralyzed by fear for the rest of my life. By fearing this I will stay paralyzed. I gave Cath the advice of not being afraid, because being afraid wouldn’t lead her anywhere. It is the same with me. With everyone who is afraid. Being afraid paralyze and keep us from being all we can be.

Today I am thinking about change. Where do you start when you want to turn your life around? I feel fed up about feeling bad about my life, not liking being in it. Not liking where it has been going for the past years. And yet I have been unable to do something about it. Probably because I don’t know where I want it to go. All I know is that I want to be creative. But how I want to use my creativity, I don’t know. So I end up not using it at all. I am only creative when it comes to ways to torment myself…

Maybe I am afraid because I feel that I will never be good enough. That nothing I do is good enough. And I am afraid that if I do all I want to do, I will end up losing my dreams completely, and what will I have then? I might as well be dead… I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that I will die without never even dared to do anything. Sometimes I have this dream that someone will come along, see my talent and give me the chance to develop it… Of course, I know that I have to be that person for myself, but having support is good, and I feel that I don’t have too much of that at all. I have to support myself, but that can be difficult since I sometimes have doubts in myself. Of course, not every day is horrible. But I have to try to look at everything that is pulling me back.

I am afraid that I will keep walking in circles, and never get anywhere. I know I really need to look at what it is that I want to do, and find ways I can take steps in realizing it. I cannot stay afraid for ever. I cannot… I won’t, but how to break the circles of fear…

Niiiice ah?

What you do when you haven't been able to write anything and the little time that is left isn't enough to write anything of importance... Try to compensate with a nice picture:) Our lads... I wanted to write lad in plural... But that would be ladies, and they are not!! Laddys? Ladys? Laddies?;) Am I forgive?....:)

Kit Kat

Close up and personal...

Did you know there is an actor called Nicky Kat....:) Cat in norwegian is katt)))

Go deeper....

I want to go into the deep, evolve and see what I have not seen yet. Things concerning myself and the world in which I live. There must be so many things that are there, but that no one can see. The Shamans talk about worlds. We living here on earth operate with one. What is called reality by those who want us to believe it is the only one.

But the truth is that there are as many realities as there are people. We all create our own reality. Our reality is our story, and we have the power to change it. Not the situations and events, but the way we perceive them. We can see ourselves as victims of the circumstances, and we can place blame, but that has never gotten anyone anywhere. I realize I have played the part of the victim in my life. I have placed blame. But never again. I am the master of the reality I create. I will pick myself up and become who I was meant to be.

But then the question becomes who am I? Or what do I want to be and how do I get there? Maybe sometimes we get to wrapped up in trying defining ourselves that we forget to be ourselves.... I don't know.

Restless

I have been restless today. Not able to do anything, not really wanting to write any slug. It's the kind of restless where you think you should do anything, but get nothing done at all. I have been going back and forth to the computer without being able to do anything. Smoking way too much. Not being able to eat much. Having some lasagn in the micro now. Have to force myself to eat. I am suspecting it will grow in my mouth:)

No reason for these days though. Just have to let them pass and think there is another day tomorrow. I went up in the attic today. Brought down lots of books about art history, history and religion. And The Seat of the Soul. Have to find out what Gary Zukav says about intention. Might be a valuable lesson in there. That's about all I've done today))) Taking more books down to already full bookshelves:) I did take some up too))

I think I get this restless when I feel that I don't have control, or when things get out of control, when I feel like I am wasting my time and that there are something else I should be done, or that I should be doing things different. I usually have some sort of system in what I am doing, but when I feel that it is slipping or that I should be changing it, I get restless. Almost like after I cleaned and I felt like all the things I used to have a system over (no matter how chaotic), had gone. There are so many things I want to do, but I don't know how to do them all at once;) Or rather I know I can't do them all at once, and I get frustrated because I cannot decide which one I want to do or which ones to leave alone... Then I get restless and frustrated...

The Warrior Priestess

I am the warrior priestess, the weaver of my own dreams. I stand on the earth, tall and proud, listening to the call of the winds of the world.

My sword is my will. I will use it to cut through the sluggish contents that have been created by the dark powers to keep me from believing in the light. That have been created for the purpose of keeping me from reaching my full potential. I am a warrior, and I am willing to fight. I took a pledge long before I was born to take up my sword and fight and use it wisely for the purpose of doing good.

In this world I will create my story. I will be truthful to my heart. I sit in a sacred grove of oak trees, pondering about life and the choice to make. The quietness of nature is filled with the voices of animals, waiting to share their wisdom with me. Their voices has been silenced in our world. They have become products, and are looked upon as money and not as the wonderous creatures that they really are. We don't respect their territories and destroy their sacred grounds. If they step on our boundaries, they are seen as threats to us, and we are willing to destroy them. Like in my country, they say we don't need wolves and they should be killed and taken away. The silence would be deafening and a moonlit night would never be the same again. We would be less and important wisdom will disappear.

In many ways I am just an apprentice yet. I have so many things to learn, to understand and go through. I have these words and ideas, and they are pressing at the back of my mind. And as I sit here, I try to relax a little bit, and let some of my worries go. Worry will only make matters worse, and a warrior knows it can be disasterous and that the lack of concentration can mean life or death. I will try to find my ka, my spirit, and listen to it. The angels leave white feathers on my path; they are ready to guide me and steady my hand. But it is up to me to use what has been given me.

One of the purposes of my life is to find and bring forth wisdom long forgotten. The west thinks it is so wise and clever, and yet we are ready to blow the world back to the stone ages. The spirituality is lost. I stand behind the Dalai Lama as he says that there is one more revolution to have and that is the revolution of the spirit. We cannot solve violence with violence. This makes me think of the Q, and what Jesus says there:

"I am telling you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on the cheek, offer your other cheek as well. If anyone grabs your coat, let him have your shirt as well. Give to anyone who asks, and if anyone takes away your belongings, do not ask to have them back. As you want people to treat you, do the same to them."

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even tax collectors love those who love them, do they not? And if you embrace only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Doesn't everybody do that? If you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even wrongdoers lend to their kind because they expect to be repaid. Instead, love your enemies, do good and lend without expecting anything in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of God. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good; he sends rain on the just and on the unjust."

I love these words, but I also realize the challenge in them, because it is easier to be angry at the ones who do wrong than to love them. Love thy enemy is the hardest lesson of them all, I think. I know that I live very strongly by as you want people to treat you, do the same to them. I guess this is the priestess part of me that comes to show.

The Warrior and the Priestess is the two strongest archetypes in me. And the Seeker which is the glue that brings the priestess and the warrior together. And I am also the Poet. And probably many more:) But I would call myself a warriorpriestess.

Wander

I have come to a turning point
And yet I don't know what I am turning from
I walk in circles
and finding that I am getting nowhere at all
This endlessness
Thing nothingness
Is something more than meaning
I have no idea
of what to do
but I will do it all the same
I will walk and wander off
on this journey I have begun
I will wander into the mind
and wander into the soul
I will wander into the dark
and seek the treasures I will find there

Madness

From The Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho:

If the warrior waits for the ideal moment, he will never set off; he requires a touch of madness to take the next step.

I need to get some madness back into my life.


Everything can't be only nice.


I need some lunacy.


Become a little insane.


Step off the cliff.


Jump off the straight line.


Run into the air and take flight





MADNESS:

Peace and the world

SONG by Deena Metzger (author of Writing for your Life)

There are those who are trying to set fire to the world
We are in danger
There is time only to work slowly,
There is no time not to love.



Dear Citizen of the World.

We have fifteen days to reverse the movement toward war.

We can establish roads to peace if all of us do it together in our own unique ways. All of us, everywhere, on the entire planet. We can do it. This is a call for radical individualism within radical cooperation.

We can find the roads to peace in fifteen days if we do it together.

A small junta cannot hold the entire globe captive to its wishes.

Everyone on the planet knows that no one can escape the individual and environmental consequences of the weapons, such as depleted uranium, that the United States has already used in Afghanistan and the last Gulf war.

There is a great blessing inherent in our common jeopardy that leads directly to a common benefit. There is a great blessing inherent in knowing that we share a common jeopardy with each other, the animals and the creatures of the natural world that can lead directly to our common flourishing and survival.

It is possible, directly and indirectly, to involve every citizen in the world on behalf of peace. Each individual finding his or her way to say No to these wars motivated by apocalyptic delusions and lust for oil and power. Each individual finding his or her way to say Yes to concerted efforts to bring a foundation of peacemaking to the world. Each individual finding exactly the right activity. A profound alliance between strategic activities and religious and spiritual invocations and the range of possibilities in-between.

This letter does not suggest any particular plan or form of action. But I am hoping that we can circulate this call so widely that everyone is brought into the activity on behalf of peace. We can, if we extend ourselves, reach almost everyone on the planet and partake of his or her knowledge, wisdom and unique vision.

Across the globe, in human history there have been so many effective activities undertaken by people in times of crises on behalf of peace, we cannot articulate them all. But all of them are appropriate to this moment. We need to use all of them and new ones as they come mind as we create this global council with each other. Each one of us, acting alone or in concert with each other in ways that accord with our minds, imaginations, hearts, spirits and souls.

Actually this is already occurring; we are being asked to make it universal. Unexpected agreements are surfacing in the United States between Republicans and Democrats, Christians, Muslims, Jews, members of every spiritual tradition, progressives and conservatives, religious and political leaders, all equally alarmed by the threats to democracy from Homeland Security and the Patriot Act, and by the Administration’s recalcitrant insistence on pursuing a pre-emptive war without the support of the United Nations, a war that many in the Pentagon, CIA and military oppose. A war that will undoubtedly inflame terrorist retaliation and so involve even more American and civilian causalities throughout the world.

Mobilizations for peace are occurring everywhere on the globe, marches and boycotts, conscientious objection, peace rallies and global prayer circles, rituals and ceremonies, pressures and influences, even as several British workers have already refused to transport munitions headed to the Gulf. We can join with the kin of American troops to protect the young people being sent to fight in Iraq so that they will not die there or return afflicted with the mysterious disabilities that have affected such great numbers of American veterans recently. Mothers for Peace and the Mothers of the Disappeared, Women in Black alongside other activities of liberation have set peaceful precedents for us. We can partake of their wisdom and strategies. In the history of the planet, every people have stories and traditions that speak of the success of making peace and the possibility of overcoming oppression. We must call on these histories now.

We have fifteen days. It is not too short a time if we extend ourselves to each other and do it together. If we do whatever we would do if our lives depended upon it, which they do.

In the fifteen days given to us, we can bring peace and then set out from there.

Deena Metzger

300 & the Fountain

I had a cinema marathon yesterday... I went to see both 300 and The Fountain. They were both wonderful, especially in the visual expression.

300 was surprisingly good. The violence was there, and some of it was rather graphic (head being cut off...), but for most part I thought it looked like a dance. I must admit that I can understand that people have reacted when the Persians were concerned. They were rather unfairly portraited, but I reminded myself that it was based on the graphic novel, and they looked rather cartoonish where the bad guys always look a little orcish (they actually did remind me of orcs some of the creatures). But there were some wonderfully funny dialogue like this one (said after alot of fight has been going on):

Xerxes: Persia has much to offer Sparta. We could share much of our cultures with each other.
King Leonidas: Yes, I know, we've been sharing our culture with Persia all morning.

If it hadn't been so beautiful visually, I doubt that even Gerry could have saved it, but watching him and David would have saved it. They made it a good experience for me))) OF COURSE!!! I think I had a rather sheepish smile around my face all through the film. I still love him to pieces...)

Now The Fountain was a quiet different movie. Where 300 was filled with action, the Fountain is one of the most quiet movies I have ever see (except for perhaps the scent of green papaya, or something like that)... It was beautiful, but it is absolutely impossible to even start trying to explain what it was about. One word that comes to find is death. I think everyone has to make up their own mind... This is what the plot outline says on IMDB:

"Spanning over one thousand years, and three parallel stories, The Fountain is a story of love, death, spirituality, and the fragility of our existence in this world."

It is worth seeing, absolutely. I think perhaps you would like it. I might come back to it later, but I can't find anything to say about it right now.

Couldn't resist another picture;)

The higher good

I was just thinking about what happened yesterday, and how we always seem to clash. Then I was thinking about the abundance ballon and how it said for the higher good. Maybe it is for the higher good that we actually do have these clashes of ego. Maybe that is our lesson in all of this, not to give up and only focus on ourselves, but actually take a step back and learn to co-operate and collaberate. Maybe we haven't seen what we are capable of doing because we never gave it a chance at all.

It was just a thought. I guess the higher good isn't always what we think is the best, but after a while we will understand that it is. I don't think we should give it up this time, but take the "battles" as they come. That way we will develop and maybe even learn something about ourselves, and each other (and I wasn't thinking in a bad way). We end up here again and again, and we stop because we might be looking at it the wrong way. Maybe we are suppose to clash like that!! And maybe that is why we do it every single time and will continue to do so, because we are not facing the real problem. Maybe we could even use this into a screenplay too))) Because it is not uncommon to have these clashes where we think it is important to protect our own "interests" so to speak, instead of perhaps actually taking a step away from ourselves.

Of course, I cannot speak for you, but I think there is a reason for us coming back to this place time and time again. Since we've known each other, I think it is at least the fifth time or so. That must mean something. And this time it didn't take more than one hour. That I think is a sign that it is time to walk through it and have all the clashes we need to have and "fight" it out and try to learn what is really behind them. Honest being a key word...)) And we should be able to have them without every losing sight of the higher good. We should use it and turn it into something good that will help us move on and reach another level. There will always be conflicts in a creative relationship. Always... But there is nothing that cannot be used to reach the higher good.

I think this is a so-called golden opportunity. And we have learnt from the past never to overdo it anymore))) One small step at a time... We should do freewrites, maybe about a situation, a word or a trait... Just look at all the stuff we did find out about the word butterfly. We should try out different kinds of dialogue. Just being two people having a conversation that is not us. And see what comes from it. In that way we will build good foundations and we will become better and better at it... And we should clash again and again, because we will look at it perhaps as a creative process instead of a power struggle. Because we know we are both powerful enough to stand on our own feet)) Rambling now. I guess you know what I mean by now)))

Meaning of our names

Sheri:

sh inner beauty to express your inner beauty
e honesty in relationships to learn through relationships
r honest communication to communicate your truth
i selfawareness to understand yourself


Linda:

l strength of mind to be strong minded
i selfawareness to understand yourself
n centredness to flow with life and stay balanced
d generosity to be giving
a purity to remain pure


I found this on Diana Cooper's site. This is what it says about it:

Every sound is a vibration that has a meaning and calls in an energy. This is why a baby imparts telepathically to its parents, usually the mother, the name by which it wishes to be known. The name when spoken calls in the soul’s lessons to the child. Many children use a pet name or an abbreviated one because they are not ready to deal with all their challenges. It is very important to say a name lovingly. It is also helpful to repeat your own name lovingly to help you have an acceptance of your soul’s journey. I have often seen someone’s aura light up and expand when a group lovingly sings their name.

I offer the meaning of each sound to you to help you understand some of the lessons chosen by your Higher Self.


I chose the sh since it had a separate meaning but I will put the s and h here too. So you can see for yourself:

s trustworthiness to be trustworthy
h nurturing to shelter and nurture self and others

Spring

There’s something divine about those moments when I manage to be completely in the moment. It doesn’t matter what is happening in my life. It just fades into the background and stays there. Today I had that: I was going downtown to buy some medicine. I decided to walk and buy myself a coffee and just enjoy not wearing a jacket and feeling the warmth of the sun again. Just celebrating that the spring is here once again. It is like there is a smile in my heart.

Sometimes life is just good! And the heart sings…

The return of the warmth in the sun really does do wonders. I feel so much lighter in both body and mind. Everything feels easier. I guess spring becomes very important if you have real winter with darkness and snow and cold. It’s still that little chill in the air. It’s sort of like the chill in the shift from winter to spring, but soon that too will be gone and I can wear even less clothes than I did today… That is a day to look forward to!!)))) It is like I am a little less lost….

Butterfly

From Writing your Way by Ellen Jaffe


Some people use the butterfly’s life cycle as a metaphor for describing a given project or enterprise: are you the egg (new beginning), the caterpillar (exploring and getting started), in the cocoon (developing your idea into reality), or the emerging butterfly (completion, and sharing your idea with the world)? Of course, this is never a final stage, because the butterfly lays more eggs, creating a new beginning. It is interesting that in Greek mythology the butterfly is a symbol of the soul.


Since it was about butterflies, I thought I'd post it)) I especially like the part of it being a symbol of the soul.

The Road

Something sparks my sense of adventure. I have dreamt of taking the unknown road, and yet something is stopping me from doing just that. I see the beginning of the road like a shimmer before me, like the sun shining through the rain, making a rainbow and a golden shimmer on the raindrops. It is like stepping into a fairy tale where reality shifts and I can never tell what is real and what is not. The story of my life has a new beginning that is filled with promise.

Through the suffering and pain, I have found strength and the courage to move forward. I have been afraid of who I am, and have withdrawn from my life. But I have never given up hope of finding me in the darkness. I have spent enough time in the dark to know that it is not hurtful. It is the forgetful mind. The light is remembrance. And I seek to remember who I am.

The road lies before me, unknown and secretive. It leads me into the mysteries and into the enigma. All that I ever dreamt about is out there. Waiting… Living its own life apart from me. The stories perhaps. The ones that are waiting to be told. The road that leads me into the land beyond the mists. My own Avalon. I need to find the magic words that will part the mist and lead me into this magical land of the imagination and the beyond all reason.

Rumi

The garden of

Love

is green without

limit

and yields many

fruits

other than sorrow

and joy.

Love is beyond either

condition:

without spring,

without autumn,

it is always fresh.

ART AS FLIRTATION AND SURRENDER

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you,
but sometimes I do,
and that sight becomes this art.

HOW VERY CLOSE

how very close

is your soul with mine

I know for sure

everything you think

goes through my mind

I am with you

now and doomsday

not like a host

caring for you

at a feast alone

with you I am happy

all the times

the time I offer my life

or the time

you gift me your love

offering my life

is a profitable venture

each life I give

you pay in turn

a hundred lives again

in this house

there are a thousand

dead and still souls

making you stay

as this will be yours

a handful of earth

cries aloud

I used to be hair or

I used to be bones

and just the moment

when you are all confused

leaps forth a voice

hold me close

I'm love and

I'm always yours

Nothing... and it turned into something

I really have nothing to say tonight. It started as a good day with sunshine and a lovely walk downtown, but as you remember I had an appointment with the dentist. Unfortunately putting in that tooth was more painful that I had thought it would be. My gum is oversensitive so it hurts like hell right now. And two very strong painkillers later, I am really tired and are planning to go to bed since I have an early morning tomorrow. Hopefully the pain will go away and the tooth will only be sore when I thew.

This daily writing of a slug begins to be really interesting:)

Doesn't seem like I can find anything to write. Well, I write, but there's nothing coming out it seems. Maybe that is just the feeling I have... I don't think I would have written anything had we not made the deal of writing something every day. So in a way it is good that we made that commitment, because I am writing. No big lessons, but not every day can be a progress. Some days just have to be lived without much happening...

But one thing I have learnt from today is that my experience can actually help another human being realize that they are not alone in the world with feeling the darkness. Because I've been there myself and I've come out (at least I am about to) on the other side and things are quite different and I have survived. I know if I can survive this and be the better for it, I can get through anything. It's like in The Dark Side... where everything has its counterpart... I know I can be a victim at times, but that will only make me work harder not to be one. Even if I feel the need to ask "Why me?", I will always counter that question with "Why not!" And that will make it a lesson of life in the sense that I will find a way to turn it around and make it work for me.

I guess I did have something to write about after all. It's funny but I often find that it helps when I sit down and write to begin with the words: "I have nothing to say". Because I always find out that it isn't true, and I strife to prove myself wrong. Once again I did just that)))