Place

I love this writing. Those small babysteps that are bringing me forward. I just did my assignment for the day, and I love it. Just not thinking about not knowing where to start, because I have a place to start. And for me to just sit down to do is a giant step for me too. And it fills me with hope. And that is definitely a good thing. Yeah, things are really changing. I can feel it in the way that I am starting to do things, and that they don't feel like such a burden anymore. A necessity, but still a burden. I guess making up stories is a passion of mine after all.

And I did my first day of exercise. My new regime. Health freaky me... not:) I bought a skipping rope, and I am off to a slow start. But we all have to start somewhere, right. I am at least doing it. Getting myself into shape, and taking back my energy again. Taking my life back too:) I feel good))

Let me know how you are doing after your first day back)))

The character thing

It was good starting thinking about something other than I don't know what to do, or where to start and such... I have made a start and that feels absolutely wonderful really. It is going in the right direction I guess. I am always very positive on the first day of everything I guess... But I am not pessimistic at all))) I am doing this. Like I am starting to get myself into shape tomorrow)) Lots and lots of beginning. I love beginnings like a new notebook, a new pen, a book that I have never read before)) Beginnings are nice))) Especially when you think that there will be no new beginnings at all...

I am beginning to get used to not thinking about having to clean, clean, clean))) Now I can do a little now and then which is great))) I have been going through my clothes today, washing and just having a good time with it instead of stressing out. I guess I am slowly transforming my life, and no one is happier about that than me:)

If you had to flee from your home, and you had to carry your belongings on your back, what would you take with you? Why?

I would take with me notebooks and pens. Because I would find that a comfort and I am addicted to have notebooks with me even when I don't have to flee))
I would take my mp3 and batteries. I would find life without music such a dread))) At least I would have the possibility to play a little music once in awhile.
The Lord of the Rings - to this day the most influential book)) Maybe A New Earth as well, to help me cope with whatever reason I had to flee.
I would probably also grab my camera and then charger, just because it would be natural for me.
And I would probably also grab some clothes, warm clothes, and extra shift of underwear and socks.
And I would grab my cat and stuff him into his carrier. And thus also take some food for him:)

I just found this sentence in The Artist Inside and thought it was kind of descriptive for our art (any art form):

When art is about transformation, it is a sacred practice.

It can also, I think, apply to what we are trying to do with our lives. I much rather like the word transform than change. I want to transform my life, and in doing so it is a sacred practice. It is rather nice, don't you think...:)

If you got a hundred dollars and you could not use it on yourself, what would you do with the money and why?

I would have bought some food, maybe some burgers from McDonald's, and given to the drug addicts that lives on the street so they would have some food)) Maybe cups of coffee if they wanted it, or something else. Why? Because it would be an act of kindness and because they are often overseen in our society. Also because a hundred dollars isn't a lot of money))) But it would give some nourishment that day for some hungry souls)))

Who are three people you admire, and what do you admire about them?

Oh my goodness, so many I admire... Who to pick and find out why I admire them...

1. Surprise! J.R.R. Tolkien. I admire him for the world he created, the depth and abundance and richness of his books. That he composed languages that we can actually speak and hold a conversation with.

2. The Dalai Lama. The way he is able to talk about serious things with a laughter in between, the way he sometimes can look like a child and the curiousness in his eyes and his calmness.

3. Nelson Mandela. How he survived all those years in captivity without even an ounch of hatred in him. For his wisdom and his will to change what can almost seem impossible to change. (The same courage that Hans Christian meet his captives with, without hatred and only the will to understand what drives other people to commit such unspeakable acts of violence...)

I could really go on and on:) But since it is three, I decided on those three because they were the first to come to mind)))

What are your greatest strengths and why?

1. One of my strengths is my emotional strength. I know I can stand through any storm. I love the sentence from a Dsound song: I am too soft to be broken.

2. My ability to dream. I believe that dreaming has saved my life on many an occassion. When everything has been darker than dark, I have managed to transport myself into another world where it hasn't been that dark and in that sense I have gotten through those moments.

3. My creativity. I can solve anything and think in new ways. And not to mention the ability to paint and write and being able to see art everywhere:)

4. I can laugh))) Especially about myself)) And I love to laugh! I think laughter is a good medicine))

5. My love of books, because they are a great way to feed my curiosity.

6. My reflection on life and myself, because there is always room for renewal. I can always see each situation from every side (even though I sometimes tend to worry a bit too much).

7. That I can find happiness in everything. I think it is a good lesson to understand, that happiness is not something that can be found, but a state of mind and it is there all the time and is most found in the smaller things in life.

8. My love of life, because it makes it wonderful to live, in both good and dark days)) It makes living interesting, and quite lovely. And it kind of makes me never lose hope...


I can't find anymore right now. Ah, I am watching the Phantom of the Opera on tv. Lovely since my dvd-player is broken))) Not the same watching it on the computer screen))) Oh, and I did a full work out today. And I am hiking on Saturday))) Can we say that we meet on Saturday like 8 or 9 pm? I will be here, just so that I don't get afraid that you come online 6pm to find me not here, and think that I have abandoned you))) You haven't been here earlier than 9 the last saturdays, but with you you never know;) Just wanted to say that))) In case I suddenly forget to say it, and since I won't be online tomorrow)) Going to my mom's. Hopefully getting book four of the Twilight-series too)))

If you were granted infinite wisdom, but only in one area of concentration, what would it be?

The first thing that came to me when I read the question, wasn't painting or writing, it was actually spirituality. Healing and psychic abilities, to be a medium. I would love to bring in the money through writing book, and do healing and readings for free. I believe that it should be something you give... Anyway, I guess spirituality (for the lack of maybe a more accurate word) is the one area I would like to have infinite wisdom:)


I have sort of figured out what has been bothering me for the last week. It's like when you have studied hard for an exam, all your time has gone into it then when the exam is over, it is hard to get back to normal. I think that's what I am experiencing now. Only with the cleaning. I have used so much time thinking either that I should be cleaning or I have been cleaning, and now all of a sudden there is no need for me to think about it other than maintaining it (which isn't hard at all)))... I am totally lost:) Hopefully I will get on the right track again very soon, or rather rearrange how I have been thinking. I have no idea how to do that, but I will get there. I always did after an exam....

What skill do I most treasure and why?

I treasure my creativity the most, because it is both a skill and a gift. It makes life much more interesting, because in my mind I can transform everything into a story or a painting or a poem or a photography or maybe even a dance. It is also very great in solving problems.

An example of a creative solution: When I worked with children, there were this boy with an enormous creative mind. He had a tendency to forget to eat because he was so into whatever he played (many times he had superpowers;). We were told to make sure he among others ate their meal and I stopped him in the hallway. "You must go and eat," I told him. He said no, he hadn't the time. Without thinking I told him as a matter of fact, "If you don't eat, you will lose your superpowers." He practically ran into the room where we served our meals:)

But most of all I treasure it, because it will certainly make my life into a great adventure))) I love my creativity!

If you could do anything tomorrow, what would it be and why?

I would jump on a plane and go to London to live there. Why? Because I want to pursue my dreams. I don't really think that living in London would make any difference than here, but I want to travel around the world, so London seems a good place to start. That is the bigger "do anything"... And the one I thought could win, because often enough I stop myself from thinking big. Because it seems so unrealistic, and I have a tendency to avoid anything unrealistic... I need to get out of my box and my comfort zone.

Copenhagen amongst other stuff

Back from the celebrations this weekend. That is, I have been home since Monday. It was really nice. Saturday was wonderful. I am so glad that mom had a nice 60th birthday.We got an upgrade on our hotelroom and got a view over the harbour and a view to the opera of Copenhagen. We had dinner in Tivoli, Chinese. And had a table at pond where people could ride boats. Really nice, and it almost didn't rain, which was nice since it had been predicted that it would rain all Satuday evening.


The picture is a little dark, but I guess you are able to get an idea:) We had dinner with a lot of screaming all around:)



We had a balcony on the way home, and as you can see it was really windy when we approached Skagerak:) Waves and all, and I feel a little below par:) I slept for an hour and all was well again. The photo at the top was taken on the way home. It is an incoming raincloud)) Isn't it amazing to see the rain)) On the way down to Copenhagen, I went on deck for a cigarette and to my amazement I was able to stand alone up there and bathe in moonlight)) It was beautiful. And one of the songs that I listened to up there (on 11th deck) was Journey Away from the Whalerider, which was perfect)) Really made the dark waters below seem a little eerie))

I hope to travel again very soon))) It is so nice to be other places... Maybe London again (which we have seriously talked about), or Barcelona maybe... We have talked about Rome too (which I would really really love!!)... Any place would do really))) All I have to do is start finding out about airplane tickets and hotels))) Seems like a piece of cake, but I am really not liking finding out stuff like that online))) I am not an internet surfing kinda gal, really))) But I think I have to take charge:) And if I do, maybe I'll have another trip somewhere in Europe this year)))

I have come to a sort of stop in my cleaning. I have so little left and yet I am having such trouble taking the finishing steps... I kinda feel empty, and I guess because I did so much last week, I kinda feel a litte out of it. I think the mental aspect has to catch up))) But I am really getting there. It is wonderful to see. I have been thinking about writing again after more or less two months of no writing whatsoever. But it is not the kind of obsessing as I used to have towards my writing. I guess I am kinda looking forward to not having to think about having to clean all the time. Getting some structure into my life... Though I am not a very structural person, and I don't think I will be, but I have to at least try to make some sort of system in the chaos that is my life.

I have been thinking about the fantasy genre again which is really nice. Maybe that is my genre... I don't know, but no matter what I do, I always seem to come back to the fantastical:) I guess we have to wait and see where things go))

I have done a lot of thinking, but I would rather talk than write about it))) Hopefully we will be able to do so soon:) I am going to see Prince Caspian tomorrow))) Yeah))) Really looking forward to that.

Been a lot of Tudour time this week))) So I came upon this because I read about a painting by Ford Madox Brown called The execution of Mary Queen of Scots and then I saw a good historical fact:) "Good" I should say... At least detailed:)

Historical fact:
Queen Mary was executed on February 8, 1587, on the charge of treason against Queen Elizabeth.

Big news... I am moving))) I've got an offer I cannot refuse;) I tell you more about it next time we talk... I don't think I've quite understood yet. It's like a dream and I am waiting to wake up...

I just went to imdb and looked up The Hobbit... And it says that James McAvoy is rumoured to play Bilbo Baggins... I am not sure about that... I like him and all, but is he Bilbo... I mean Ian Holm is Bilbo... I guess he would do an honourable job of it))) I don't know if he will be Bilbo in the end, though))) But I will trust that Peter Jackson knows what he does)))

Historical fact:
8. June 793 the vikings raided the church of Lindisfarne. It is the beginning of the viking age in Scandinavian history.

Mineral Allies

agate - stability and balance
amber - absorbs and neutralises negativity
amethyst - feminine energy, calm
aquamarine - relaxation, calm
aventurine - healing, freedom
bloodstone - detoxification, strength
carnelian - motivation, confidence, action
citrine - confidence, communication, decision-making
coral - physical strength, determination
fluorite - creativity, spiritual awareness
garnet - activates passion and life force
jade - healing, soothing, abundance
lapis lazuli - spiritual awakening
malachite - calm, physical healing, peace
moonstone - feminine energy, love
pearl - love, femininity, moon, water
obsidian - masculine energy, groundedness
rose quartz - love, children, family, creativity
smoky quartz - abundance, wisdom
sodalite - spiritual awakening
sugalite - inner vision, meditation
tiger's-eye - groundedness, focus
tourmaline - neutralises negativity, psychic protection
turquoise - strength, success, fulfilment, protection

Plant and Herb Allies

basil - blessing, purification
camomile - calm, relaxation
dill - wealth, success
fennel - healing
foxglove - protection, emotional balance
garlic - protection, healing
ivy - protection, abundance
lavender - calm, relaxation
marjoram - marriage, love
mint - cleansing, refreshment
mistletoe - love, protection
mugwort - focus, healing
nettle - protection
rosemary - purification, stimulation
sage - cleansing, renewal
thyme - health, healing

Flower Allies

anemone - fertility
bluebell - good luck
daffodil - joy, success in business
daisy - innocence, joy
dandelion - strength, fortitude
gardenia - self-esteem, love
geranium - endurance
hibiscus - passion
honeysuckle - prosperity, abundance, joy
iris - feminine spirit
jasmine - sensual love
lilac - abundance, harmony
lily - divine femininity, purity, rebirth
marigold - protection, honouring the sacred
morning glory - joy, spiritual attunement
orchid - fertility, stamina
peony - longevity
rose - love, emotional healing, angelic kingdoms
sunflower - prosperity, fertility, success
tulip - abundance, sensuality
violet - spirituality, psychic healing

Tree Allies

alder - awakening courage to move forward
almond - abundance
aspen - overcoming fear, protection; in mythology Greek goddesses protected those who had aspen leaves
apple - healing, love, symbol of the Goddess Aphrodite; the mystical Celtic Avalon means ‘island of apples’
ash - balance, order, guardian; to ancient Celts this tree represented balance and was the guardian of the order of the universe
bamboo - good luck, prosperity
birch - new beginnings, renewal, the youthful aspect of the Goddess
cedar - detoxification, purification; Cherokees believe this tree provides powerful strengthening
chestnut - fertility, great strength
elder - moon energy, grace, honour; associated with the Goddess
elm - feminine power, love
eucalyptus - renewal, purification
fir - cleansing, renewal, releasing stagnant emotions
hawthorn - love, healing negative emotions, birth; associated with Blodeuwedd, the Welsh goddess of spring
hazel - inspiration, communication, knowledge
holly - regeneration, female blood-of-life
juniper - protection, purification, in the Himalayas Sherpas bless and purify their ropes with the smoke of juniper boughs
maple - prosperity, ability to adapt to new circumstances
oak - strength, fortitude, courage, faith
olive - peace, healing
pine - purification, cleansing negative emotions
plum - love, protection
rowan - protection, strength, magical realms; sacred to Brigit, the Celtic goddess of protection
sandalwood - wisdom, spirituality
sycamore - strength, vitality, feminine energy
willow - moon cycles and water, emotional healing, intuition, divine feminine spirit
yew - regeneration, rebirth, letting go of the old and embracing the new

Animal Ally

alligator - formidable strength, power
ape - primitive power, intelligence
bat - ancient wisdom
bear - mother earth, healing
beaver - hard work, prosperity through your own efforts
buffalo - abundance, harvest and plenty
bull - great strength, force, power
camel - endurance, getting through a difficulty
canary - harmony
cat - intuition, feminine essence
chameleon - adaptability, flexibility
cobra - life-force energy
deer - fertility, grace, joy
dog - faithfulness, loyalty, friendship
dolphin - playfulness, spontaneity, intelligence
dove - peace, freedom
eagle - spirituality, far-sightedness
elephant - power, mindfulness
elk - power, beauty, dignity
fish - emotional flow, feminine energy
fox - intelligence, physical attraction
frog - abundance, prosperity
horse - freedom, movement, beauty
leopard - prowess, sensuality
lion - majesty, power, bravery, leadership
otter - capriciousness, playfulness
owl - wisdom, feminine power, transformation
peacock - confidence, celebration, pride in oneself
polar bear - healing, strength
rabbit - prosperity, abundance, fertility
ram - masculine strength, pioneering spirit
raven - wisdom from unseen realms
rhinoceros - male sexuality
robin - harbinger of good tidings, new beginnings
salmon - being in the flow, moving ahead against all odds
seal - grace, emotional balance, curiosity
snake - womanly power, healing, spiritual awakening
swan - beauty, strength, gliding to new heights
tiger - prowess, power, strength
turtle - grounding, abundance
vulture - ancient goddess, purification
whale - perception, intuition, power
wolf - community, social connection, family support

One Ring to rule them all...

How do one come up with the great ideas...?

The boy who lived

I wonder how they felt when they sat down to write...?

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.

It is amazing how a writers mind can make these stories up with just their ideas and intentions...

So dark the con of man

Daring to explore the impossible, shaking everything to the core, finding the darker secrets of humankind, exploring hidden world, creating new worlds...

There exists no separation between gods and men; one blends softly casual into the other.

I need a vision... My goodness I am so tired of that... I need to explore my vision.. Because somewhere inside of me it is hiding, waiting for me to find the courage to actually meet it head on...

There was Eru...

Take a deep breath now. Relax, and don't get consumed by the thoughts that you cannot do this. Everything starts from some place... And here it comes again... I start in the dark:)

You can never really foresee what is going to happen in life. There are so many fickle turns it can take, and it all depends upon the choices you make, but it will be good even though it feel bad at the time you might feel some sort of regret. And if it is a bad choice maybe it is because at the time you were making it, you didn't follow your gut feeling. There is no encoding of life; no book to make you any wiser or anything. It is something you make up as you go and mistakes are made, but they are made so you don't have to do them again.

Even though my life has felt dreadful at times, I try never to lose hope. Like we are writing our stories now. It is so great. I have for example admitted to myself that I have never had any plan or vision for my life. I had dreams and stuff, but they have all kind of faded in the day dreaming and in running away from the fact that I don't really know how I am going to achieve my goal (those that I have never set for myself). Now that is going to change. Out of habit, I want to to write, I am going to try... Never learn... I have to trick my petty little mind to let my heart get a say in my life from now on:)

I am going to write. God knows I have enough material to last me for at least two years:) It is going to be fun to transform (was going to write try there again...) my experiences and thoughts and all that onto paper... No category, or telling what it is going to be, no nothing. I think I can find lots of cool stories there))) I know Cath can give me inspiration to lots of stories:) And other people that we talk about too... Lots if I just dare to see it, but of course being a little self-centered this summer:) I want to write about me:) Sort of take a reckoning of my life to move it forward. Of course these are just ramblings which we are getting used to by now:)

One things for sure! I want to brighten up my mood. Not get so very down below zero if you know what I mean. I want to laugh and have fun. I am so tired of everything being so seriously serious... I have all the resources that I need right here... I cannot spend all of my time worrying. I should probably have a worrying notebook, and a notebook for being grateful. Just to actually get a reasonable perspective about my life... So that I can lay tracks:) Virginal territory so to speak:)

I found this one amongst my papers... Could be a good beginning on something...

Into a circle of fire
In their eyes there are flames dancing
They are calling to me, calling me to them
Winter is fading
Summer won’t soften my eyes
A child of ice and fire, of water and air
Pure be the heart that looks behind the veil
A child of the living and breathing earth
A wind passes through me
The shadows grow long
The veil between the worlds are lifted
There stands an empty throne
Every part of me spring into life
My defences are crumbling
My fate is hidden from me
We are worlds apart
I leave this world behind and enter into another
Lady of night, come wrap your wings around me
I am alone, wandering in the dark
I see the flame in their eyes in the darkness